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Families Thriving with
Servants
Published: 12/3/2004
Sometimes, God
calls families to serve the poor by living in urban poor
communities. Is this possible? Can families survive in
Servants? These reflections from one family who have lived for
the past few years in an urban poor community in India show
that it is not only possible to survive but even to
thrive:
When our elder son Tony (names changed for
security reasons) was born, I was worried for a while about
how I would answer the criticism I anticipated about where we
lived. But on praying about what was “good for them”, I felt
deep conviction and assurance from God that the very best
thing for our children was for them to grow up to “first seek
the Kingdom”, and they would have a much better chance of
that, living in a poor neighbourhood in India, than in the
consumerism and materialism of Australia.
After some
time of coming and going between India and Australia, we have
come to see that there is plenty of good and bad in both
places. While many people perceive that we lead a life of
sacrifice and our children are deprived of many good things,
we just don’t see it that way. Sure, we have given up some
good things, and there are some good things that our kids have
not yet experienced, but we have also received and experienced
so much good, that I can’t imagine describing ourselves or our
children as deprived. I genuinely feel that they are having a
great childhood, and hope and pray that they will look back in
years to come and agree with me.
We arrived in India
with no kids – this was really helpful for us, as we only had
to look after ourselves and our own cultural adjustment and
language learning etc. This gave us a real head-start over
families with children.
Next best option is to come
when your kids are still young – this is when they are best
able to learn languages effortlessly, less likely to miss
material things of “home”, still more dependent on their
parents and oblivious to the wider world. Also you don’t have
to worry about school straight away.
It’s never too
late though – starting your new life here with school-age or
teenage children is also possible. It will all just take more
time and energy, as each member of the family will have their
own experience of adjustment and learning. Older children will
need to understand why you’re doing it, and hopefully be
willing participants who contribute in decisions about
housing, schooling, ministry, etc.
Whether you bring
kids with you when you come, or have them later on, they are
great ice-breakers! You are suddenly much more like everyone
else, a real human being, when you too have
children.
Of course we are all quite a novelty,
especially the children. People are just curious, and all that
staring and questioning does actually wear off after a while.
As a tourist the attention continues as you keep moving on,
but when you live in one place for a while, slowly people get
used to you being there, and learn to relate to you as a
friend and neighbour rather than a curiosity.
My
philosophy has always been to try the simplest option first.
Tony was weaned straight to a cup, and to the same filtered
water and same milk that we drink – if he couldn’t manage it
or he got sick at all, we would have used a bottle, boiled the
water, or bought some formula, but since he was fine we didn’t
have to go through all that drama. Tony has gone to a local
Indian school – if it didn’t work out, we would certainly try
something else, but he has coped with it fine (and is
currently revising hard for 1st term exams, keen to top his
class this year after coming in 2nd last year).
God has
also been very involved in making our life here possible. Both
our boys are very healthy, and we’ve had no major illness or
accidents at all. We can take some credit for being careful
with our health and not taking unnecessary risks, but we are
also aware of our friends’ prayers and God’s involvement in
making it possible for us to keep on staying here.
Tony
is now 8, and has a good grasp of why we are here and of life
in Australia and life here. His advice is:
o Bring a few
toys!
o Reading is a very good hobby, because it makes time
go by fast, and you can sit in a very small room to do it and
completely forget your surroundings;
o After visiting
friends in rich areas, our house seems small and
uncomfortable, but after visiting poor neighbours, our house
seems luxurious;
o Just learn a few words of Hindi, then
you will start to make friends, and as you play with them you
will easily learn more and more Hindi;
o Moving to India is
a bit like most of my exams at school – before the exam it
seems difficult, and I feel nervous, but once it’s over I
wonder what I was worried about.
Because of many
everyday dangers here (such as unfenced balconies, chaotic
traffic, rabid dogs, dirty floors) we have been fairly strict
with basic discipline – STOP has to mean stop right now and
ask questions later, drinking bath water is a significant
offence. On the other hand we are very flexible with things
like table manners (we don’t usually eat at a table anyway) as
these are very culture-bound ideas we have about the right way
to do things.
There are also a lot of personality
factors. Tony is compliant, cautious and introverted by
nature, so unlikely to get himself into dangerous situations,
but sensitive to all the attention, sometimes scared by
dangers he sees, and unlikely to stand up to being unfairly
treated. Olly (almost 3) on the other hand is more independent
spirited, adventurous, and extroverted, so more enjoys the
constant stream of friends in and out of our home, but far
more likely to wander off without telling us, or just plain
disobey clear instructions. It remains to be seen whether he
will fit into the Indian schooling system as easily as Tony
has!
While we need to do all we can to prepare
ourselves, a lot is just up to God, or at least beyond our
control. We can know ourselves and our children well, and make
guesses about how each of us will respond to a new culture and
new living situation, but we just can’t know for sure. So,
like life anywhere as a disciple of Jesus, it’s a matter of
taking each step in faith.
[If God is calling your
family to serve the poor, contact us to find out more about
how Servants supports families: email
info@servantsasia.org]
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